real friendship is sending them a link to something terrible so you can both be traumatized at the same time
Anonymous asked: Are you still doing the ship thing? If you are then Valkyrie and Fletcher plz :)
heh, no. all my shipping energy goes to Ghanith
and i don’t exactly ship Val and Fletcher, they were cute in the books, but i don’t ship them
they have more of a rowboat, and Fletcher is doing all the rowing and Val is on the phone with Skulduggery
where do aliens hang out
this post is back again and im glad bc i get to watch people get confused about v b n m again
How Do Court Reporters Keep Straight Faces?
These are from a book called Disorder in the Courts and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place.
ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, ‘Where am I, Cathy?’
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th.
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.
ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can’t remember which.
ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS: Forty-five years.
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget..
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: He’s 20, much like your IQ.
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shitting me?
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Getting laid
ATTORNEY: She had three children , right?
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death..
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.
ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I’m going with male.
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.
Reblogging because there are some sassy little shits out there.
Iron Man 2 deleted scene. (2)
I found this in my freezer. My roommate said he’s saving him until he needs to save the world.
WHY WAS THIS NOT IN THE FINAL CUT.
Or even the Special Editions. This is GREAT.
C3PO YOU F*CKER
I have a new favorite Star Wars moment.
I love how the guy who opened the door is just like “it’s too late he was a dick any way no one will miss him I’ll just close this door”
when i was in year 5, i did a speech on clumsiness for my school’s public speaking contest and to be clever, i tripped on my way to the stage dropping my note cards all over the place, but then i pulled the real ones out of my pocket saying ‘if you’re going to be clumsy, it pays to be prepared!’
everyone lost their shit and i got second place
Ragnarök is not a “one day” deal of an apocalypse. IT STARTS WITH THREE YEARS OF WINTER HOW DO YOU KNOW WE SURVIVED IT IT’S NOT OVERfUCK
observe: the moment I fell in love with Kida
Welcome to the Skulduggery Pleasant fandom. Here’s a guide.
- a badass teenage girl and a skeleton detective are the main characters
- the best humour of all time
- there’s a lot of fans written in as characters in the books
- basically all the books end on plot twists that make you want to kill someone
- none of your otps are actually going to work
- none of them
- seemingly cool people betray other people you love and are assholes
- everyone dies
- everyone dies
- what the fuck, Derek Landy
Princess Morbucks serving some truth tea.
how come she has fingers but none of the main characters of the show do?
She could afford to buy fingers
cheating on a girl (x)
the last girl though
That last girl was the most prepared, and probably, the best friend. You know you have a great friend when they are willing to share their Doritos with you.
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